it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
