would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize