Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
