The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
