I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
