I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he puts the penis in happiness.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
