i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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