I just cut my nipple shaving
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm bleeding and have questions
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
