i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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