I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
