how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
