what day is it and did you see me today?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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