god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
