I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
