is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
