I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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