How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
