Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
