Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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