dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
