no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
