I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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