"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
