i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
