was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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