But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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