My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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