Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
