Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
