Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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