I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Your dad touched me again.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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