Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
