I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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