worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
