My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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