I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
