All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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