thus making me awesome and them whores
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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