Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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