last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
