Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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