do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
