My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
