Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
