Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
