the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
