Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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