My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
