after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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