I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
