Your face is a jimmy john
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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