Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
