id be glad to
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
