Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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