ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Houston, we have a squirter
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize