so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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