I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
