watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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