Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
