she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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