just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
