It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The beer is more important than you right now.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
