They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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