Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
