Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
