He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
