I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Vodka?
Forever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
