the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
