she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
