it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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