I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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