apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she peed on how many people?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
