that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize